Moving to the UK and starting my Freelance Photography Business
20.10.23
I love being a photographer and working with people.
Although I consider myself an extrovert, I actually realised that I'm more introverted than I thought. Sometimes I do enjoy socialising, but there are other times when I really struggle to leave the house.
Moving from a different country has been an eye-opening experience for me so far, especially concerning my confidence and self-esteem when it comes to talking to people and taking pictures—basically, my job.
While English has never been a problem for me, when I started getting more professional commissions in the UK, I realised that I didn't know most of the technical words from the photography industry. Very basic words such as shutter speed, backdrops, hot shoe, etc., and that made me feel very unconfident. Like, "What am I supposed to do? How would I be able to even talk to a client if I cannot communicate well enough?"
Fortunately for me, everyone here in Wales has been super nice, friendly, and welcoming since the day I arrived.
Even though I could appear confident on the outside, on the inside, I'll probably be shaking and thinking, "Okay, do you remember that word? Yes! The one you learned last time. This is the time to use it... so... USE IT!"
But 90% of the time, I just couldn't.
It was actually really frustrating—and sometimes still is—because I know I can do better. I have all these words in my head, like I could elaborate on a real conversation in English talking to myself for hours. But when it comes to dealing with clients, I often froze, and none of the words I knew I had to use came out of my mouth. I then began to question myself and if this could be my real job... because if I can't communicate effectively with my clients, then what would I do?
These last few years as a photographer and specifically 2023 have taught me that no matter how afraid I am or if I can't find the words, just try to explain myself in the best way I can. The first two or three times were a bit hard, and I came back home after the photoshoots thinking, "I should have said that, OMG did I really say that word... Don't forget to use the past tense next timeeee!!!!" But when I relaxed and realised that it's okay to make mistakes, and that I can actually do it, then I started having really fluent and good conversations with people. That led me to improve every time and be more confident, and so on.
One fun fact—which wasn't that fun for me before—is that I really struggled every time someone guessed that I'm Spanish—as if it weren't obvious!—because for me, that meant I wasn't pronouncing accurately or that my English wasn't that good. I particularly dislike the Spanish accent when spoken in English; it's something that I can't stand for some reason. So, seeing others notice my accent was especially demoralising.
That's maybe why I don't like recording myself on video or doing live videos on IG, among many other things.
But the positive side of this is that I don't feel ashamed or frustrated anymore when I can't find the word or explain myself as I previously did in my head. Or if someone asks me if I'm Spanish, "Yeah, of course, I am!" - I still don't like the accent though, but that's something personal.
I realised that I'm too perfectionist. -And this is me psychoanalysing myself right now - I think that's why I often feel frustrated when I can't find the words in English—which isn't my native language.- "Gosh, I don't even know many words in Spanish!! Who does?"
I've learned a lot during these years, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this. So my advice for those who recently moved countries and have this similar struggle would be:
"Don't hide. No matter what your mind tells you, or how afraid you are, just do it—whatever it is that you want to do—because maybe the first time won't be the best, but I can assure you that one day you'll look backward and realise that only by trying can you improve!"
Siria Ferrer
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